i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
