she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
