you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
