I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
