She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
