Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
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How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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