JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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