just come out here and I will go home with you...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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