No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
