guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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