OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
