Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
