Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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