and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
