Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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