There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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