She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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