Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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