Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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