and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
if only i could text you this smell
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
