people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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