jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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