i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
