bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
