Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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