it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
