There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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