i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
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she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
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If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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