Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
