if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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