Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
and you said cock pushups were impossible
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
