just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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