but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
