I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
