hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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