i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
