Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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