Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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