Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
