you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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