a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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