I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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