One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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