I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize