Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
