I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She told me I should be a condom model.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
