I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
