she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
