I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
