If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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