So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
