the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
