i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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