You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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