We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
