But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
