woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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