I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
