Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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