Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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