Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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