it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
