Are we in a gay sports bar?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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