After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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