My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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