she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
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Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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