Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
