it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
