It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
