Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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