I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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