watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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