I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
