Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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