i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
then he tried to convert me to islam
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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