So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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