WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
