Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you