i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?