If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
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making cat noises will not fix the situation.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
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So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!