i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.