Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
