My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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