How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
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One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
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If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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