I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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